Eating with a Purpose

So recently I made some changes to my diet. I have only been doing it for a couple weeks now, but the way I eat has been changing pretty drastically since I made the decision, but changes are happening and for the better. Initially, I decided that I needed to gain at least 10 pounds and I wanted to do it before Alain came home from Afghanistan. Why do you ask would I want to gain at least 10 pounds? Well....for those who know me know that I am a small person. I am 30 years old and I have never weighed 100 pounds in my life. I fluctuate anywhere between 85 to 95 pounds on average. The most I have ever weighed is 97 pounds, but that was while I was pregnant and so it really doesn't count too much. The heaviest I have ever been is 95 pounds naturally, and that was when I was living in California and eating Jack in The Box cheesesticks everyday for breakfast with buttermilk ranch dressing. I had a little bit of a booty back then (for the first time ever) but I can't say it was a healthy weight. Now I know some of you out there are thinking "Oh woe is me! I weigh 90 pounds....Wahhhhh!-Stop your whining Skinny Bitch!"-as I know that many people have the opposite problem as I do and would give anything to weigh a measly 90 pounds. We all want what we don't have and we all think that we are far from perfect. But just like a person who struggles to lose weight, I struggle to gain it, and just like how being overweight is considered unhealthy, being underweight is unhealthy as well.
It was funny, an old classmate of mine turned 30 a couple weeks ago and he posted that he did not know if 30 can really be considered the new 20 as many people say. He said that when he was 20 he was 40 pounds lighter. This really was what got me thinking that I really needed to buckle down and put on some weight. When I was 20 (when I was 18), I didn't weight much less than what I do right now, and for some reason I really think there is something wrong with that. I come from a small family. My Mom is small, both my grandmothers were small. I shouldn't be too worried about my size as I know it runs in my family, but then I started to think about all my failed attempts at getting pregnant. Neither Alain nor I can be tested for infertility issues until we have been trying to get pregnant for a straight year. Alain and I have been married for more than 4 years now and in those 4 years we have not had not one straight full year together. I mean, it's impossible. But what if gaining 10 pounds, bringing me to a healthy weight was all I needed to make this easier on us? It's worth a try, right? It's the one thing I can do to make a difference and use up this time of sexual deprivation to make a difference for the better. LOL....It's worth a try.
And so I have been counting calories. Not only that, but I have been eating healthier. I have been trying to eat clean and organic as much as possible, as well as I recently purchased a cookbook called COOKING TO CONCEIVE that gives you healthy recipes that use ingredients that are considered fertility enhancing. That was more an added thing, not really my main purpose, but might as well cook healthy. But in saying that I have to say one thing about Eating with a Purpose....I have always eaten food to stop my hunger and for enjoyment. What do I feel like today? A hamburger? JIB tacos? A steak?....what am I craving and what is going to satisfy me? I have never eaten for nourishing purposes. I stop when I'm full.
Now I'm eating like crazy for the purpose of calories. How many calories is in this dish? How many calories is in a serving? How many do I need to eat to get a full serving? No, you can't just have three crackers...you have to eat 16 in order to get the full 160 calories. How many calories is in this sauce? 659...Holy crap thats's a lot of calories! How much will it be when I add some pasta?
And then there is the health aspect of my new endeavors.....eating to conceive. Eating to be healthy....you see those muffins I posted a picture of? Those were NOT VERY GOOD. LMAO. They were made with whole wheat flour, oatmeal and raspberries. It was like eating a piece of wheat bread with raspberries on it. I made them today and was thinking of bringing some to my neighbor who is always bringing by cupcakes and stuff to me. LOL. Uh yeah----scratch that. I think when you bring someone baked goods they aren't supposed to taste like cardboard topped with fruit. But I ate it anyways.....why? Because it is a good source of fiber and there is fruit in it.
So point to my story is is that, lately I see eating a little differently than I used to and it is a weird experience for me. When I look at food I see the calories I will get and the health benefits it will have rather than what it's going to taste like. And while I am eating it, I ignore the fact that it taste like crap and when I'm full I keep on eating until I've eaten a full serving. It's just this whole new way of eating for me and it's weird. But it's good. :)